The Family Systems Theory

This week, I learned about different theories that relate to families and how they work. These theories are not absolute truth, but a useful lens through which to look at family life to perhaps better understand what is happening. The theory that stood out the most to me was the Family Systems Theory. This theory views the family as a unit that is separate from forces around it, and that has its own inner workings. It is not just a bunch of people living together, but the family is a whole entity by itself. In this way, it makes sense that you could get to know each member of a family separately, and still not know how their family life is exactly.

Part of the systems theory is that there are boundaries surrounding the family, and between its members. There can be rigid and closed boundaries, which signify poor relationships and strife. There can be healthy and relatively open boundaries, where people interact well and are happy. There can be boundaries that are invasive, which results more in a lack of a boundary, which is detrimental to the health of the system or its members. If a family has a rigid boundary between it and the outside world, it might not get the help it needs, and family members lose out on valuable experiences. If the family boundary is too open, people can come and go, and there is a lack of security in the family. If the boundary is relatively open, yet firm, families can interact with others while still preserving their own space. Members can experience life outside the family, yet still have a place of safety to retreat to. 

Another part of this theory is the idea of subsystems. A traditional family has a husband, wife, and, eventually, children. Subsystems are groups of members of the family that form and influence the other parts of the family. For example, the adults are often part of a subsystem of spouses, as well as parents. Both have important roles and effects. A subsystem is likely to form is between a mother and a newborn. This subsystem affects the larger system - the whole family. Family members may need to take on different roles during this time to accommodate the mother and baby. Roles are another part of the family system. One person might be the funny one. Another might be the quiet, neglected one. 

Each family has rules. Some are stated out loud, like when curfew is. Many rules, however, are unspoken. A rule might be don't interrupt your parents. Another might be to do your chores happily. When people don't follow the rules, or step out of their normal roles, issues can occur and feedback is given. Negative feedback is given when the family wishes for the actions of someone to return to "normal," whether the normal is healthy or not. Positive feedback is given when a new action is encouraged. This might happen when a therapist is working with a family to resolve issues, and are working with the family members to form new habits. 

The main aspect of Family Systems Theory that I connected with was the idea of circular causality. Many people believe that issues in families come from linear causality, where one event causes an undesirable outcome, and they blame the one event. Circular causality, on the other hand, recognizes that there are many forces at work when something happens. For example, say that a mother came home from work to her toddler. The mother is upset, and accidentally gets angry at the child. She starts to cry and fuss, which further upsets the mother. Now both people are frustrated. If we mentally back up our perspective, we might see that the mother had a tough day at work, and that the child was already going to cry because of hunger. In this way, we see that there are often multiple things happening at once that compounds an issue. At this point, we can realize that nothing will be accomplished by trying to decide who is to blame, and that energy would be better spent on addressing the issue at hand. 

I enjoyed learning about this, because my family tends to think using linear causality, which leads to great frustration. When someone messes up, we get upset and blame them. The person who is being blamed is hurt, because yes they messed up, but we aren't seeing the full picture and are reacting unfairly and without kindness. We don't take the time to see things with a complete perspective. If we did, I think a lot of the anger in my family could be resolved, which is a dear hope of mine.