Things to Know About Sex and Affairs

This week, I learned about differences between men and women in the act of sex. I learned why knowing these differences are important and beneficial. I learned about the different types of affairs, what to do to lessen the likelihood of an affair happening, and how to heal a marriage when there's been an affair. I also learned tips on how to teach your children about sex and intimacy. 

When it comes to sex, I learned some things that were interesting to me. The first is that women need to be safe, warm, and close with their partner to want to have sex and be able to be aroused. On the other hand, men tend to have sex in order to feel safe, warm, and close. These feelings are important for both genders, but they tend to achieve them in different ways. Understanding this can help spouses be more loving and aware of what their partner needs. I also learned about the arousal cycles for both genders. The main thing I took away from this is the fact that women take longer to become aroused and orgasm. Men can reach this quite quickly, and if they stop having sex once they have reached the climax, they will leave their wives unsatisfied and their bodies feeling frustrated. In order for intercourse to be a fulfilling act for both spouses, husbands should take care to make sure their wives are able to complete their arousal cycle. For the part of the wives, it's been found that women often need to decide emotionally and psychologically that they will be aroused. People's sex drive tends to peak at ages 18 or 19 for men, and between ages 30 and 35 for women. Understanding this difference can help resolve conflicts of interest in a marriage.

When it comes to affairs, I learned about four types: fantasy, visual, romantic, and sexual. Fantasy affairs are when you are emotionally connected to someone, without the person knowing, instead of being emotionally attached only to your spouse. Visual tends to refer to pornography. Romantic affairs are being emotionally attached to another person, in-person, and you have a relationship with them. It becomes a sexual affair when you have sex with them. This was interesting for me to learn about, because I hadn't considered the first two kinds to be affairs. But any connection you have with another person that takes you away from complete fidelity to your marriage partner can be an affair of sorts. Every kind is damaging to your relationship. 

There are a few things that you can do to strongly prevent any kind of affair from occurring. The first is to set strong boundaries with those outside of your relationship. Your spouse should be your best friend and your closest confidant, not anyone else. The majority of your time should be dedicated to them and your relationship with them, not to anyone else. This includes close friends and family members. The start of a marriage is the beginning of a new family unit, and to keep that unit safe, you need to set boundaries with other people in your life. In connection to this, you need to be fiercely loyal to your spouse. Another thing you need to do is to control your thoughts. You are always thinking something, so make sure your thoughts are virtuous and not straying to dangerous areas.

I learned a five-step process to repairing marriages after an affair has occurred. The steps are as follows: begin to rebuild trust, gain a better perspective (of how it came about), repentance and forgiveness, overcoming addiction (pornography), and making the choice to stay together. Rebuilding trust can take a long time and requires patience, but it's a necessary and achievable step. Understanding how the affair happened will help the couple strengthen weak points in their relationship. Repentance on the part of the person who had the affair, and forgiveness from the other spouse, are both necessary to moving forward. If pornography is an issue, it needs to be resolved. All of these steps aid in making the choice to stay together and to save the marriage. It's a difficult process, but it can be done.

When teaching your children about intimacy and sex, the main take away I got is to answer their questions as they come. If they ask a question, they want to know the answer. The answer can be simple, but don't beat around the bush. You should use correct terms for anatomy and processes. Teaching can be done simply and without becoming graphic. Also, you can help your children understand intimacy and love by setting a good example for them in your own marriage, because intimacy is so much more than sex.